Watching someone you love struggle with alcohol, drugs or their mental health is exhausting. You might feel scared, angry, guilty and heartbroken, sometimes all in the same day. You might have tried talking, pleading or setting rules, and nothing has changed.
You're not alone, and it's not your fault. Families are often the reason someone finally gets help. Here's how to give your loved one the best chance of saying yes.
Signs someone may need help
- Drinking or using more, or more often, and hiding it
- Mood swings, irritability or withdrawing from family and friends
- Problems at work, with money or with the law
- Health changes: weight, sleep, injuries, constant tiredness
- Broken promises to cut down
- Talking about feeling hopeless or being a burden
If someone talks about suicide or harming themselves, treat it seriously. In Bali, call 112 for emergency services or go to the nearest hospital emergency department. Anywhere else, contact your local emergency services or crisis support line.
How to start the conversation
- Pick your moment. Choose a calm, private time when they're sober, not in the middle of an argument or a crisis.
- Lead with love, not blame. "I love you and I'm worried about you" lands very differently from "You're ruining everything."
- Be specific. Describe what you've seen and how it affected you: "Last Friday you didn't come home and I was terrified."
- Listen. Let them talk, even if it's denial at first. You're opening a door, not winning a debate.
- Have a next step ready. Know what help looks like, such as a phone number or a place, so if they say yes, you can act straight away.
- Expect it to take time. Many people say no the first time. Keep the door open.
What to avoid
- Confronting them while they're drunk or high
- Shaming, labelling or threatening things you won't follow through on
- Covering for them, paying their debts or making excuses (this keeps the problem going)
- Trying to do it all alone
When a conversation isn't enough
If repeated conversations haven't worked, it can help to bring in outside support: a counsellor or GP who knows your loved one, or a family support group where you can plan your next step with people who've been there. Some families also work with a professional interventionist in their home country.
HRB doesn't run interventions, but you can talk to us at any stage. We'll help you think through your options, and when your loved one is ready to say yes, we can move quickly.
How HRB supports families
- A first call for you. You can talk to us about a loved one before they're ready to talk themselves.
- Planning the next step: what to say, when, and what treatment would look like.
- Family involvement during treatment: where it helps, family sessions to rebuild trust and understanding.
- Preparing home: helping you understand addiction, set healthy boundaries and support recovery without burning out.
- Aftercare: a plan your loved one leaves with, so you know what comes next too.
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone through addiction takes a lot. Support groups such as Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, or a counsellor of your own, can make a real difference. You matter in this as well.